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Books

Hello all!

Besides "He's Just Not That Into You" and "Why Men Love Bitches" (love them both), can you suggest any other dating books? Ones that have helped you or given inspiration?

Any suggestions would be much appreciated! :)

Comments

( 24 helpers — Give some advice )
scien
Feb. 6th, 2014 10:54 am (UTC)
The title and blurb of 'why men love bitches' both sound really terrible, I have to say O.O maybe they're not representative of the book content...

I've mentioned it before in this community, but by far the best book on communication I've read is 'Difficult Conversations' by Anne Dickson.
dark_faith
Feb. 6th, 2014 11:19 am (UTC)
"Why Men Love Bitches" is a really good book. I recommend it! And the writer uses the word 'bitch' in short for Babe In Total Control Of Herself. Just like the saying 'don't judge a book by it's cover'; don't judge a book by its title :)

Will have to look into "Difficult Conversations" :) thanks!

Edited at 2014-02-06 04:56 pm (UTC)
scien
Feb. 6th, 2014 10:20 pm (UTC)
Right, which is why I looked at the blurb. 'Full of advice, hilarious real-life relationship scenarios, "she says/he thinks" tables, and the author's unique "Attraction Principles" ... Once you've discovered the feisty attitude men find so magnetic, you'll not only increase the romantic chemistry—you'll gain your man's love and respect with far less effort.' = so much no no no no no for me.
actpassive
Feb. 7th, 2014 02:15 am (UTC)
I've read it, and yes, no.
lupinlover
Feb. 6th, 2014 01:55 pm (UTC)
I really hate both of those books, so my assumption is that we have different tastes.
dark_faith
Feb. 6th, 2014 02:08 pm (UTC)
Okay, fair enough. Each to their own right? Even if I may not like it, any suggestions would be appreciated. Never know, may find inspiration from the same book.

I've been doing a lot of things differently these days, like listening and reading affirmations, meditating, lighting candles lol etc. Little pick-me-ups. So everything is worth a try in my book (minus the pun.)

Thanks for the feedback.
lilka
Feb. 6th, 2014 02:44 pm (UTC)
My favourite is Jane Austen's Guide to Dating.
dark_faith
Feb. 6th, 2014 09:03 pm (UTC)
Had a quick look on Amazon. Looks like a fun and unique book! Will definitely read this.. thanks! :)
allywest
Feb. 6th, 2014 03:25 pm (UTC)
I highly recommend 'Mars an Venus on a date' by John grey. It's the whole men are from mars, women are from Venus thin only geared towards understanding the different dynamics in dating.

I find a lot of the things I read rang true and have been helpful in understanding men and in understanding myself and my normal woman reaction to things.
dark_faith
Feb. 6th, 2014 09:04 pm (UTC)
Awesome, thanks for the recommendation! Will look into this one :)
sweet_mizery
Feb. 6th, 2014 06:50 pm (UTC)
I have both of those books including "Why Men Marry Bitches". I would also recommend "Get the Guy" by Matthew Hussey who is a British dating coach for women. Another one which I can't decide if I like or not is called "The Manual" by Steve Santagati who used to be a male model. I like that both of these are from the man's perspective.
dark_faith
Feb. 6th, 2014 09:01 pm (UTC)
I've not read the 'marry' one yet. Is it any good and different to the first one?

Thanks for the recommendations, will definitely need to look into the other two. Think dating books that are from the man's point of view are a lot better since we don't know what's going on in their head and how they react in dating scenarios. Especially "He's Just Not That Into You"... every time I read this book I just want to smack myself in the face! Too many excuses, not enough decent guys!

How are you? I commented on one of your entries. Not seen any updates since and always wonder how things have been.
sweet_mizery
Feb. 6th, 2014 11:43 pm (UTC)
I am hanging in there, thank you so much for asking. I am still hurting a lot. I broke things off with him and it has been very hard since he was my first and only relationship. It's hard to just be me, alone. I have been reading these books as well just to try and get myself back into the dating game.
dark_faith
Feb. 7th, 2014 10:02 am (UTC)
Take each day at a time hun. Unfortunately It's never easy but you'll be a stronger person. I am relieved to hear you have moved on as he sounded like a selfish asshole who didn't respect you and needed to grow up. In time you will meet someone who will want the same things, who will love and respect you. My only suggestion is to give yourself time, heal and be you again. I wouldn't recommend rushing into a new relationship. Keep yourself busy, keep reading, spend time with friends, maybe travel, study, or find a new hobby. You're already such a strong person to let go and do what's right for you. Remember that :)
theaftercath
Feb. 6th, 2014 08:04 pm (UTC)
Not strictly dating, per se, but the Five Love Languages was an eye-opener for me for all of my relationships. It's not a "dating book", in that it doesn't really tell you how to "get a man" or w/e a dating book does, but it does help you understand how you express and experience love, which in turn helps you to be a better girlfriend/boyfriend. Shattering the notion that there's one right way to be in a relationship is really freeing.
dark_faith
Feb. 6th, 2014 08:56 pm (UTC)
I have this book! It really is an eye-opener and just make sense. After I read this book it finally clicked of what went wrong in my last relationship. I realised we need love in different ways and were too blind to see it.
topf
Feb. 7th, 2014 07:24 am (UTC)
I have an ambivalent opinion about "He's not that into you". On the one hand, it's somewhat simplistic and sexist but on the other, it helps you notice that people keep making excuses for staying with people who don't really love/like them. If you're able to blend out the offs of it, it can be very useful.

In the case of "Why men love Bitches" it bothers me that it's kind of about becoming something someone wants you to be instead of giving you tools or knowledge about relationships while still encouraging you to be yourself. It also sounds too much as if men and women weren't individuals and is thus sexist.

I say all this even though you say you like these books because a couple of people here have said they don't like them but not why. I think that to really get better at the dating game it's important to empower yourself in who you are, to be open to the individuality of people and to gain confidence in the fact that this individuality offers a chance for you to find love while still being yourself. I don't think there are any rules and it's not productive to lump lots of people together in groups like gender oriented books do.

If your question aims at having better and healthier relationships and at finding people to have these happier and healthier relationships, then I really really advice you to find books with other messages. I know you're gonna say we simply have a different taste but I can tell you from personal experience that sexist books perpetuate the message that get us in relationship trouble in the first place. I have a very soft and sensible personality. Becoming a "bitch" was never viable for me and the message of just discarding certain traits of mine just wasn't useful or empowering. It actually would have been hurtful and self-destructive. I rather learned to defend my boundaries and to stick to myself as best as I could (which has been very empowering and which is the useful bit one could filter out of why men love bitches) and as a nice extra I found someone who respects and loves me the way I am including my soft and calm personality. I don't have to fight for people to respect me; I dont have to change for people to respect me; I dont have to adapt to feel worthy of respect.

Most of the times the right books are not explicitly about dating (like the commenter above me says about the 5 love languages). If a book is trying to help you find someone without trying to help you be happy on your own, that's a red flag to me. The better books are rather about learning more about yourself, about learning about your boundaries and about learning to spot emotional health (and emotional skeitchiness).

So in that case, I recommend "Getting past your breakup" from Susan Elliot. It IS about getting past a breakup but it also has good general advice about emotional hygiene and what type of behaviors are counterproductive in relationships. It's also useful because a lot of the time, we dont really clean things up in ourselves after a breakup and so we go into a new relationship with unhealthy bagage.

I also recommend all and any of the books about verbal abuse from Patricia Evans. Emotional/verbal abuse is extremely common and accepting abuse is another one of the troublesome situations you get in due to sexist advice. Sexist books often convince you (as an example) that men are aggressive creatures we somehow have to learn to live with if we ever want a relationship. We learn we just have to do this or that in a certain way to get good behavior from them. Abuse thrives in beliefs like that one because it makes you believe the responsibility is on you. These books have helped me spot unhealthy people very fast and somewhat effectively and so they have helped me have way better relationships because I steered clear of troublesome personalities (in friendships and love relationships) instead of thinking I could change anything about a person be being a certain way.

I think that's all I have! I hope you find a satisfying read somewhere!
dark_faith
Feb. 7th, 2014 10:16 am (UTC)
"He's Just Not Into You" helped me because I was 'one of those girls' aka doormat, who would make excuses for guys! I would chase after guys and hang on to just have a prolonged rejection. If a guy didn't call me, I'd call him. Guy said he was "busy" (I wrote a recent entry about this actually...) and I'd wait. This book does remind me that these guys are not making the effort, so I should let go and find someone who is "Into Me" instead of hanging on to false hope. I've let go of said recent guy, and already I feel 100% better!

And you're right. I am looking for a book (maybe not dating per-say) but something that's uplifting and inspirational. I've had really low self-esteem and currently working towards positive change. I've been reading and listening to affirmations. I'm keeping myself busy and trying new things. Both of the books I have mentioned before have helped me in the past and given me some clarity, so thought I'd see if anyone can recommend something that will touch me the same way. I'll definitely take a look at "Getting Past Your Breakup", thank you :) and consciously working on myself.

Thanks for the feedback. Your post has helped :)
sweet_mizery
Feb. 7th, 2014 05:00 pm (UTC)
I didn't really think "Why Men Love Bitches" encouraged you to become something someone wants. She even talks about letting guys leave and walking away if it isn't what you want. I think she provided skills that usually help with having a relationship with a guy and keeping him interested so he doesn't feel bored. But I never got the impression it was encouraging women to change.

And "He's Just Not That Into You" in my opinion was just the cold, hard truth that some women need.
dark_faith
Mar. 1st, 2014 12:00 pm (UTC)
Hi again hun. I'm almost finished "getting past your breakup" by Susan J. Elliot due to the recommendations on here. I definitely recommend this book. :)
theliftaway
Feb. 14th, 2014 06:23 am (UTC)
So, so have to second the recommendation for Susan Elliot's "Getting Past Your Breakup" -- so good. I didn't get it to work through in regards to a specific breakup, but have found it useful on a number of levels.
dark_faith
Feb. 14th, 2014 12:11 pm (UTC)
Just bought "Getting Past Your Breakup". The reviews looked very positive too :) Looking forward to reading it!
dark_faith
Feb. 7th, 2014 10:37 am (UTC)
Never realised asking for book recommendations would receive so many negative responses like "I hate those books" or dismissing the fact the books I have read has helped me in any way, and rejecting the notion that I may actually like something different (hence asking for books that may have helped or inspired you, because hey, it just might do the same for me!) We are all different, no denying that. However, I am willing to take on suggestions and try something new.

Thanks to those who have provided some interesting books! Think my next Amazon or iBook order will be an expensive one ;)

Edited at 2014-02-07 06:50 pm (UTC)
segunyo
Feb. 7th, 2014 12:30 pm (UTC)
Oh god yes - not even a book, a book summary! I bet the book is even better (although wouldn't be surprised if the language was outdated).

Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus http://www.wikisummaries.org/Men_Are_From_Mars,_Women_Are_From_Venus

Also The Five Love Languages is excellent. I think getting at the heart of how someone feels loved and appreciated is pretty critical for a successful relationship at any stage.
( 24 helpers — Give some advice )

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